As a mom who has been through three devastating miscarriages, I know how important it was for my village to rally to my side during those difficult times. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so there is no doubt you know someone who has been down that long and lonely road. There is likely nothing you can say that will help alleviate the heartbreak of miscarriage, but there are lots of ways you can show you care. I’d like to offer my suggestions for supporting a friend through a miscarriage.
Send Her a Handwritten Card.
Throw in some flowers or another small gift if you would like. I know that these simple gestures can brighten a grieving mom’s day, if only for a moment. The act of sending a handwritten note, flowers, or keepsake shows sincerity and thoughtfulness. It also reminds her that you care and took the time to show it. In our breakneck-paced society, this really means something.
Feed Her and Her Crew.
A warm meal is such a heartwarming gesture for a family experiencing a miscarriage. You can even set up a week of meals for her. Losing a pregnancy is a monumental loss for a mother and impacts her entire household. Dropping off a hot meal or sending a gift card to her favorite restaurant will be greatly appreciated.
The last thing a sad momma or grieving father wants to do is figure out what to cook for dinner. If the family already has children, this is an even better way to help alleviate stress for your friend. I recall needing to feed our older children right after a miscarriage and not worrying because a sweet friend had dropped off a hot meal for us.
Visit Her.
Mommas going through grief need lots of extra love and support, especially from their favorite people. Stop by and see her. Sit with your friend and let her talk to you. Listen to her story. You don’t have to say much other than “I’m sorry.” A hug will go a long way in helping her feel loved and cared for while she’s navigating this new normal without her baby.
Check on Her.
After the initial shock wears off and time marches on, drop her a text or an email. See how she is doing. Ask her if there’s anything she needs and let her know you are ready to help. Invite her out for lunch or coffee. Just because it’s been a week or two since she lost her baby doesn’t mean that life is “back to normal.”
Her life will never be exactly as it was before, but the comforting feeling of your friendship should remain the same. Include her and invite her as you always have in the past.
Know That She Appreciates You.
While I know it can be uncomfortable to talk about heavy topics like losing a baby, I also know not acknowledging a friend’s pregnancy loss can be very hurtful. Making an effort to show genuine care and concern for your friend during a loss is the best way to support her. Standing by and weathering the storm with a friend is what friends are for, isn’t it? Because even when the storm gets rough, at least we have each other to hang onto.
