How To Start A Blog in Twenty-Nine Easy Steps

  1. While feeding the baby at midnight, decide to start a blog.  You have a voice!  You have things to say!
  2. Forget.
  3. Remember again the next week.  Type reminder into phone: start blog.
  4. Google “how to start a blog”
  5. Put laptop down to get a snack for a child
  6. Foolishly ask Facebook for web design help.  Web designer offers to create your blog for just $500.  Gulp.  Your wedding dress didn’t even cost $500.  Back to Google.
  7. Get another snack.
  8. Sign up for WordPress account.  Feel accomplished and dream of viral posts and book deals.
  9. Clean baby vomit off shoulder.
  10. Forget password to WordPress account.
  11. Reset password and stare at screen.  What is a plug-in?  Plug WHAT in?  This seemed easier in your mid-90’s computer class when you built a “personal webpage.”  Where is the clip art button?
  12. Is Xanga still a thing?
  13. Make connection with friend’s son’s marching band buddy who does web design after school.  This, you think, is probably more affordable.
  14. Immediately feel awkward about emailing a high school boy half your age.
  15. Get another snack.
  16. Try to come up with a catchy name that is both memorable and cool.  Realize all those names were taken in 2007.  Every domain name with “mom” in it is gone.
  17. Decide to use your own name dot com.  Discuss endlessly with girlfriends if this makes you narcissistic.  Consensus: Depends on font size.  
  18. Ignore blog project for a week.
  19. Open a blank document and stare at it. Wonder if you’re better off being like Creed in the Office.
  20. Pep Talk!  You can do this!  You got A’s in English!  You’re funny, your friends tell you!  Husband reminds you that you aren’t THAT funny.
  21. Create Instagram account with same name as blog domain.  This is a Thing that writers do.  Who are all these new followers?  Why are they Russian?  What’s a bot anyway and why can’t they click that box?
  22. Wonder how to write about important issues without making half the internet mad.  Shrug and start making dinner, which coincidentally, half the family will refuse to eat.
  23. Start homeschooling a four year old.
  24. Make random lists of blog topics as inspiration strikes.  Tap out thoughts, sentences, paragraphs on your phone with one hand, or on your laptop during Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
  25. What are Google Analytics?  
  26. Pay web design kid for blog that does look better than your “personal web page”.  Wonder what will go wrong first, but decide to ignore that thought.
  27. Type out your first post, take a deep breath, and click “Post.”  
  28. Optional: Close laptop quickly and retrieve bag of Pepperidge Farm Milanos from pantry.  Retreat to couch until the scaries go away (or are buried in cookie crumbs).
  29. Congratulations!  You’re a blogger.  You did it!  Now write something else.



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