- While feeding the baby at midnight, decide to start a blog. You have a voice! You have things to say!
- Forget.
- Remember again the next week. Type reminder into phone: start blog.
- Google “how to start a blog”
- Put laptop down to get a snack for a child
- Foolishly ask Facebook for web design help. Web designer offers to create your blog for just $500. Gulp. Your wedding dress didn’t even cost $500. Back to Google.
- Get another snack.
- Sign up for WordPress account. Feel accomplished and dream of viral posts and book deals.
- Clean baby vomit off shoulder.
- Forget password to WordPress account.
- Reset password and stare at screen. What is a plug-in? Plug WHAT in? This seemed easier in your mid-90’s computer class when you built a “personal webpage.” Where is the clip art button?
- Is Xanga still a thing?
- Make connection with friend’s son’s marching band buddy who does web design after school. This, you think, is probably more affordable.
- Immediately feel awkward about emailing a high school boy half your age.
- Get another snack.
- Try to come up with a catchy name that is both memorable and cool. Realize all those names were taken in 2007. Every domain name with “mom” in it is gone.
- Decide to use your own name dot com. Discuss endlessly with girlfriends if this makes you narcissistic. Consensus: Depends on font size.
- Ignore blog project for a week.
- Open a blank document and stare at it. Wonder if you’re better off being like Creed in the Office.
- Pep Talk! You can do this! You got A’s in English! You’re funny, your friends tell you! Husband reminds you that you aren’t THAT funny.
- Create Instagram account with same name as blog domain. This is a Thing that writers do. Who are all these new followers? Why are they Russian? What’s a bot anyway and why can’t they click that box?
- Wonder how to write about important issues without making half the internet mad. Shrug and start making dinner, which coincidentally, half the family will refuse to eat.
- Start homeschooling a four year old.
- Make random lists of blog topics as inspiration strikes. Tap out thoughts, sentences, paragraphs on your phone with one hand, or on your laptop during Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
- What are Google Analytics?
- Pay web design kid for blog that does look better than your “personal web page”. Wonder what will go wrong first, but decide to ignore that thought.
- Type out your first post, take a deep breath, and click “Post.”
- Optional: Close laptop quickly and retrieve bag of Pepperidge Farm Milanos from pantry. Retreat to couch until the scaries go away (or are buried in cookie crumbs).
- Congratulations! You’re a blogger. You did it! Now write something else.
