My Husband Wants More Kids, But I Don’t


When are you going to have another baby? When are the boys going to get another little brother? You should try for the girl that you want to have.

All the dreaded questions and comments that typically come from random strangers and noisy relatives… but instead have recently been coming from my husband.

My husband and I already have two boys, an 8-year-old and a 3-year-old.

At one time I thought three would be the magic number and then we would be done. But right now, my kids are actually at a really good age. There’s no more diapers, baby bottles, my 8-year-old knows how to make himself simple meals, and he’s very good at helping me out with my 3-year-old, plus he’s old enough to do chores! I finally feel like I have gotten my identity back, a little more “me” time, and don’t even get me started on all that extra baby weight that finally decided to get lost.

Trust me, I’ve thought long and hard about getting pregnant again. And, yes, I would love to “try for a girl” as they say. But honestly, I cannot come to terms with the idea of having to be pregnant, give birth, and go through the baby stages all over again. I had two less than ideal pregnancies and a very difficult birth with my last child that would make anyone want to rethink having children.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t understand. 

I mean why should he, he’s a guy, he doesn’t have to go through being pregnant or any of that. While he is an outstanding father, he is also a super busy business owner who is not around to help out. More kids would mean more work to do and without someone to help me, it already sounds exhausting.

I know what you’re probably thinking, the “how many kids do you want to have conversation” is something you should have before you get married. Well, I had my first son when I was 21. My husband and I basically did everything backward. We actually had our two boys walk down the aisle at our wedding. But I guess that whole story is for another blog post.

So, now here we are, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel guilty because I am not giving my husband what he wants and I’m being selfish. I feel a little uncertain that maybe I am missing out on having another child.

But for the most part, I feel strong, because I am doing what I feel is right for myself. 

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Chelsea Darvas
Chelsea is a self-proclaimed, fabulously awkward, hot mess. She is 29 years old and born and raised in Sylvania, Ohio. She gets through this thing called life with her husband Mike, 3 and 8-year-old sons Calvin and Carter, French Bulldog named Hamilton, and Beta Fish named Fish Stick; yes a household full of boys! Although she has lived in Toledo her entire life, she enjoys traveling as much as possible! She likes to enjoy life and not take anything too seriously. Once a Clinical Therapist, Chelsea gave it all up to pursue her life long dream of starting a boutique, and it's the best decision she's ever made! Her boutique was inspired by moms, like herself, who were having a difficult time finding clothes that fit and they would still look and feel cute in! If you are curious about her boutique, check it out here:


  1. I can’t find much information on this topic. I was in this situation many years ago but I was probably also much older than you. I had 2 girls from a previous marriage, I then married a man who claimed he wasn’t sure he wanted children. I told him, if he chose to, I would love to have one more child with him, but only if he decided for himself that he wanted that. Then out of the blue, without discussing it with me, he announced at his mother’s house that we were going to try to have a baby. I was like…ummm ok. We conceived right away and I gave birth to my first son. I was overjoyed. My felt my life was complete. But he wasn’t happy. He suddenly decides he wants more and starts pressuring me and coercing me. Using bribes and other ways. I finally decided that it would be good to have another child close in age and it would be good for our family. I had a miscarriage and they told me it was unlikely I would be able to conceive again or would continue to miscarry. My FSH levels were too high, but I conceived right away and gave birth to a healthy girl at 40 years and 9 months old. My husband had promised that he would have a vasectomy if I had another child but when I asked him about it he told me he wasn’t. I said what do you mean and he said I want to have more children. I said with whom? It was less than a month after I had given birth. I was devastated. I felt as though I had been violated. He continued to force the issue. He was obsessed. He called me uncooperative and all kinds of things. It was awful. He tried manipulating me and coercive behavior and threatened to divorce me if I wouldn’t. I didn’t tell anyone what had been going on in our marriage for so long, but I finally told my parents after one really bad argument. I can’t tell you how devastated I was, I felt violated but I didn’t understand what I was feeling at the time. I was scared. I had never experienced fear like that before then. He would threaten to take the kids and no matter what anyone said to ease my mind, I was more frightened than ever before. Remember that I was also having postpartum hormones and trying to raise a newborn. I lost a lot of weight and was always nauseous. I convinced him to go to counseling but the therapist basically said if neither person would change their mind then he can’t help. Maybe I should have faked it and pretended to try to have another baby but I didn’t think of that then. I felt violated, controlled and manipulated. I definitely didn’t feel he loved me or our children. I felt that all he cared about was himself. There are many many little stories inside this story that happened during this time to show more of his behaviors, but it would be far too long.Needless to say, we divorced but it has been a very difficult relationship throughout the kids entire life. I feel so much pain for them. I can’t begin to explain how badly I feel for everything they have gone through. I blame myself for not knowing how to properly deal with his sneaky attacks. I always got blindsided. I would prepare myself and then things would be ok for a while – just long enough for me to let my guard down and then he’d come in for the surprise attack. I’m a sucker. I’ve learned to respond better but sometimes I still fail. I get tired of the stupid games and it only hurts the kids. My son is graduating this week and it’s happening again. My heart breaks for him. And I feel like I’m to blame because I played into the game when I should have folded. For my son. ????


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