Being a mom on a daily basis is tough when life is routine. The hustle and race from point A to point B and feeling you are being stretched to your limit. There are days that we all wish we had a little time to just pause for a moment. Appreciate those we have in our lives and let them know they are loved. But when?
And then the world stops…
There was a stretch and then a snap. The world as I knew it stopped after a summer of perpetual stretch. Many days my being a mom was back seated to what my ailing mother needed. The kids and I discussed Grandma needing help and our day to day could always be paused. It was more important for us to be available to her. I explained to the kids that we would get her situated and life would be back to normal in no time. And that’s when I learned first hand that God doesn’t schedule grief.
She’s not going to get better…
After a tough phone call from my dad, and an even tougher visit to my mom at the hospital, reality became apparent. On the drive home, I searched for the way to tell my children. This is part of the life cycle. It should be easy to explain with my background in healthcare. Grandma was sick and all of the treatment options had been exhausted. But when visiting her bedside they saw their Grandma with all of her quirks and recalled all the special things she did just for them. To hear my daughter say, “So she’s not going to get better?,” was a punch in the gut. I was barely able to get the word “No” out of my mouth.
On their own terms…
Each of my children are processing the loss of my mother differently but in a very positive manner. The 16-year-old wore a special color at the football game he played in the day following her death. He just knew she would like that. The 13-year-old was very planned out as to what she would wear to the funeral and asked if I thought Grandma would like what she chose. And the 11-year-old chose to wear cologne that she had gifted him for Christmas to her services. It may seem odd but I was relieved to see them cry and know that it was okay to do so. This was their grief to express and in their own way.
Life moves on…
The feelings are still fresh and there are still tears. And that’s okay. During those tough times I have told them to try and remember a silly story about Grandma. It helps me to share some of the funny rules or ideas my mom would use when parenting me. I hope with each passing day we have less tears and more smiles. No length of time is ever enough. But being grateful for the time and memories we all shared will help us all to heal.
