Oh, Mother’s Day. A day to celebrate moms, moms-to-be, mother figures, etc. A special day all about us. So why does it always seem like I never get to relax that one day a year?! I’m always rushing from house to house to celebrate, organizing gifts and cards and flowers for the moms in our lives, cleaning, cooking, stressing and I swear somehow I always end up angry or disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I love the homemade cards and extra love. My husband likes to tell me I expect real life to be like the movies, and maybe he is right.
So this year I’m going to spell out exactly what I (we) want for Mother’s Day this year. While it might be wishful thinking, at least no one can tell me that didn’t know what I wanted!!
Wake Up on Our Own
I don’t just mean sleep past 6:45 a.m. I’m talking sleep until I am ready to open my eyes, without having to call “not it” or “your turn” when the kids wake up at the crack of dawn. I want them to be downstairs, fed and dressed without even knowing how or when.
Use the Bathroom Alone
Mama just wants some privacy. I can’t remember the last time used the restroom during the day without prying eyes ogling at me, questions about body parts I wasn’t planning to discuss for another 10 years, or someone needing to sit on my lap while I try to do my business.
And what is up with my kids demanding privacy?! It’s called the Golden Rule sweetie; treat others the way you want to be treated, potty breaks included.
On the topic of bathrooms, I’d love a nice, long, uninterrupted shower or bath. I’d love to shave below the knee and above the knee on the same day (I’ve pretty much given up on shaving my actual knees, no way would I ever have enough time to do that without cutting myself). To lay in a bubble bath until the water is room temperature and my toes are pruny without someone screaming or banging on the door because I’ve been out of sight for all of four minutes.
Eat a Meal in Peace, Without Sharing
After spending all of the time in the world in the bathroom, wouldn’t a hot, delicious meal alone just seal the deal?! I wouldn’t even care if I had to cook it myself. I just want to enjoy every bite, take as long as I want, and not. have. to. share.
What is it about kids that makes what is on mom’s plate so much more appealing than what is on theirs? Even if it is the exact same thing?! As soon as my kids start eyeing my plate I flip on my protective mama bear attitude and guard that food with my life.
Not Have to Repeat Myself Multiple Times
I’d like to spend the day in the company of my children (and husband) without feeling like I am talking to a brick wall. To ask my kids to do something one time without having to repeat myself over and over until I am shouting and waving my hands directly in front of their faces just to get their attention. For teeth to be brushed without complaining. To comb hair without having to break a sweat. And to close the door at bedtime and not have to open it again until morning.
An Endless Supply of the Beverage of Our Choice
I’ll have a mimosa for breakfast, a margarita at lunch and a goblet of wine with dinner. And keep them coming. It’s Mother’s Day after all and by golly I’ve earned it.
Binge Watch a Show without Talking Animals or Lessons (Preferably w/Adult Language or Humor)
If I have to sit through another episode of My Little Pony or Paw Patrol I might lose it. I love that kids shows teach important life skills and lessons, but there is only so much I can take! I’ll take a Schitt’s Creek or 20/20 marathon instead.
Eat Raw Cookie Dough Out in the Open, Without Guilt or Having to Reference Salmonella
Moms love cookie dough. We all know it’s true. It actually seems to be women in general who love to indulge in the raw, sugary deliciousness. I was actually discussing this phenomenon recently with my neighbor. We could not think of one single instance where a male in our lives craved the taste of raw cookie dough. I honestly don’t know if I’ve even seen my father or husband lick a beater or sneak a taste. Kids of course, but I am baffled by this recent recollection.
There are times I make or buy cookie dough with no intentions of ever cooking it but solely to eat it raw. I have to hide my actions from my children. I allow them only a few small tastes while spewing warnings of salmonella that in my 34 years of cookie dough eating have never contracted. I tell myself I’m doing what any doting mother would do by keeping them from falling ill or crashing after a sugar rush, but deep down I know it’s really because I want it all for myself. So this Mother’s Day I’d like to sprawl out on my couch, spoon in one hand and bowl in the other and go to town guilt-free.
A Clean House
Just stating the obvious. Wouldn’t we all love a clean house that lasted more than an hour. To not sit back staring in satisfaction a sparkling room only to turn around to a trail of toys and crumbs behind us?! To be like Mary Poppins and just snap my fingers while books magically float back up on the shelf (alphabetically, of course) and the dishes wash themselves. What bliss.
No Counting or Empty Threats
I can’t even tell you how many times a day I find myself counting to three attempting to motivate my kids to listen. And 95% of the time what happens after I get to three is either, A. I start counting again, or B. Nothing. I am the queen of empty threats. So on this special day I’d like for my kids to be well-behaved and polite.
Pampering & Relaxation
Not all of my requests are unattainable. We really do want that spa day, massage, facial or new body scrub. I mean, at least I do…
As I take a step back and read through this list I can’t help but smile and sigh. What a great day that would be, but only for a day. Come midnight my coach will turn back into a pumpkin, my kids will start bickering again, my husband will forget to pick up the milk and I’ll be home amidst the chaos where I belong, truly thankful have all of these things I’d like a break from. As they say, the days are long but the years are short and being a mom is truly a blessing worth celebrating.