When Will I Know My Family Is Complete?


This past Halloween, a friend held my four-week-old son and said, “Yeah, I’m good. Holding someone else’s baby is great, but I’m done.”  Yet, here, only four weeks postpartum, I didn’t share that feeling. This couldn’t possibly be my last “first Halloween,” right?

Now, if you ask my husband, we are done.  He is completely happy with our little family, as am I for that matter.  I promise.  If I never have another child I won’t sulk and long for that potential kid.  However, my door is not fully closed. I would be lying if I said I’m not open to the idea of adding one more child to our little family.

Why I am Open to One More

  • Coming from a family with three children was great. Not only was there one person to confide in, but two.  Now, between my husband and myself, our family has three children.  However, my stepson spends the majority of his time with his mother, and the age gap between him and my oldest son is eight years.  Will they ever have a close relationship during their younger years? I have trouble seeing it.  Adding one more baby would grow the support system for my sons in the future.
  • I have been blessed with very healthy pregnancies.  I believe it is easier to think of being pregnant again when your previous pregnancies have been very straight forward.  I did experience morning sickness, but that aside, pregnancy was very easy, and dare I say, enjoyable.
  • love the newborn stage. There is nothing like holding your newborn baby for hours while he sleeps on your chest.  Also, newborns are so easy to take everywhere, and there is no backtalk to speak of.
  • Having one more happy surprise.  We don’t find out the sex of the babies until birth. Therefore, the entire pregnancy my husband and our families ride some weird sort of exciting ride.  What is the baby? What will he/she be named?  The unknown of our babies was an experience I would like to partake in again.

Why I’m Content with Being Done

  • I have two beautiful healthy boys from two healthy pregnancies.  I will never take that for granted.  I would be lying if there wasn’t fear of a complicated future pregnancy.
  • Morning sickness. Do I really want to deal with morning sickness again?  Both pregnancies I was sick the entire first half, and both pregnancies I swore I would never be pregnant again.  Before becoming pregnant with baby number two, I would think, was it really that bad? YES. Yes it was.
  • The idea of “starting over.” Sure, the newborn stage is great, but scheduling babies can be difficult, and I do love sleeping through the night. Before my second child was born, my first was completely potty trained, started preschool, and was a great sleeper. Going back to diapers and an unscheduled newborn was not difficult, but there was a part of me that mourned the ease life had before the birth of my second son.
  • Most importantly, my husband feels fulfilled with the family we have.  This does not mean there will never be a future are-we-sure-our-family-is-complete conversation, but his opinion is just as important as mine.

Is my family complete?  I’m not sure, but I do know I change my mind almost daily.  Whether we add one more or stop with what we have, there is no wrong decision in the matter, and I am truly fortunate to have what I have.



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Whitney Hogrefe
Whitney is a 32-year-old hairstylist and recovering spray tan addict who resides in Waterville with her husband Tyler. At home, she is outnumbered by boys with their sons, Jett and Cole, and stepson, Leegen. She is also “mommy” to two dogs, 1 cat, a horse, and four entertaining free-range chickens. In her free time, she enjoys horseback riding, being outdoors, sampling the local eats, and reading historical fiction. Since recently moving into a fixer-upper, Whitney has become incredibly interested in home design and decor. Lastly, she loves cooking, laughing, nail polish, red wine, and (controversially) black licorice.


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