I get it now.
I understand a lot of why you did and said what you did while I was growing up.
It makes sense why you do and say a lot of what you do now that I am a grown-up.
Now that I am a mom myself, I get it.
I think back to all those times you hovered over me at the playground or followed too closely behind me at a theme park. At the time I thought you were trying to treat me like a baby. I thought you wanted to stop me from exploring the world around me. But, it wasn’t that at all.
Now that I am a mom, I get that you were only trying to be there to catch me if I fell or be close enough to find me if I was lost.
I remember as a mouthy, bratty teenager thinking the world was going to end when you didn’t let me go somewhere I wanted to go. At the time I thought you were trying to stifle my independence and clip my growing wings. But, it wasn’t that at all.
Now that I am a mom, I get that you were trying to keep me safe and guide me away from making painful mistakes.
I think back to my college years and remember all the calls from home. I was 500 miles away in an unfamiliar city adventuring and living a life that was so unknown to you. At the time, I thought you didn’t trust me or my judgment. But, it wasn’t that at all.
Now that I am a mom, I get that you were only trying to be part of my new world all while feeling that a part of your heart was a world away.
I remember when I met my husband. I was in love and wanted to be with him all the time, but you would ask me to stay home on a Friday night or spend time with you instead. At the time, I thought you had forgotten what it was like to be young and in love with the person you were planning to spend your life with. But, it wasn’t that at all.
Now that I am a mom, I get that you were trying to hold on as tight as you could all while learning to let go.
Mom, I get it now.
I am sorry that in the thick of it I didn’t step back and put myself in your shoes. I am sorry that in the thick of it all I didn’t see you. Even if I had tried at the time, I think I would have never truly grasped where you were coming from or been able to relate to how you were feeling. It took me becoming a mom to my wild bunch of kiddos to understand the big feelings you were having each time I took a step further away from you.
Parenting is bittersweet, Mom. I get that now.
Our job as parents is to raise our babies up so strong and so independent and so brave that when the time comes they will be prepared to face the world without us always by their side.
You did that for me, Mom. I carry your voice and heart with me in all things. Your words come right out of my mouth sometimes when I am talking to my kids.
But, Mom, I get it now. I get how hard letting go at every step is. I get that the more independent my babies become the more my role changes. That isn’t so easy on the heart sometimes–or ever to be honest. I get that there will always be a part of you wishing I didn’t grow up so quickly.
Mom, I see you now.
There are still nights that I know you spend sleepless and worried about me. I know you still carry the weight of my burdens or heartaches. I know there are times you wish I would call for no reason or visit more. It used to make me think that you still thought I was a baby or couldn’t take care of myself. But, it isn’t that at all.
Now that I am a mom, I get that your job is never done. It isn’t lost on me that I am still your baby no matter my age. I know I am still walking around this world with part of your heart. I get that you still want to be there to catch me if I fall or find me if I am lost.
Thank you, Mom.
I get it now.