Rewind to 2011, I had this whole fairytale romance and picture-perfect future mapped out, or so I thought. Fast forward a little while to March 2012 and I’m a month out from welcoming our beautiful baby girl into the world. If you would have told me then that barely two years down the road I’d end up raising that sweet girl on my own 95% of the time, I would have laughed in your face. Yet, here we are…my daughter is now four months shy of turning 8 which means I’ve been a single Mom for almost 6 years now. Being a single mom is one of those things where everyone else says “it’ll get easier with time” or “You’re going to rock it no matter what” and at first you try believing them to get yourself through, then eventually you realize that those words aren’t farther from the truth than they can be. As they say “Things don’t always go as planned”
I’d like to think that I’ve always been somewhat independent and self-sufficient from the time I was old enough to have a job. Dealing with a rough pregnancy shutdown that independence and self-sufficiency rather quickly. I went from working to being unable to work just like that. I knew that once it was safe for the baby and myself I’d get back to work, even if it meant to just have my own money to spend freely. What I didn’t know was that a few years down the road I’d be working more than I ever thought possible to try and support myself and my daughter. Not to mention I’d be more independent and capable than I ever thought before. Moms are already incredible enough as it is, but there’s something about being a single Mom and handling every aspect of parenting alone that brings your “superpowers” to a whole different level. Single Moms don’t have a person to “tap in”, so learning how to function on minimal sleep or even how to multitask is some of the biggest things to try and manage. There’s been plenty of days where I just didn’t know how I’d keep going, or when I’m writing out the planner for the next month between work schedules, extracurricular, school functions, PTO functions and it doesn’t seem possible for one person to accomplish. Let alone to leave time for yourself or fun with the little or even household chores for that matter. But each month, I get it done. Don’t get me wrong I get it done with the help of a few breakdowns and plenty of wine or Vodka, but hey it’s done right? So that counts as a win in my book.
Have you ever questioned your parenting skills? I have, especially with going through so many changes with my very first and only child. Throw in the fact that now I’m trying to manage without input from another person whether that be financial, day to day life or even just understanding our child from a different standpoint. Single Moms have to learn how to accept the fact that their family dynamic will not compare to most others nor will it compare to the one you thought you had planned out for yourself.
Being a single mom changed me in so many ways but I’d like to think in the six years I’ve been living this lifestyle I’ve somehow learned from every aspect that it changed. Becoming more self-sufficient than before, multi-tasking better, realizing I’m stronger than before and I could believe in myself more, understanding I’m simply one person and to take things one step at a time to not overwhelm myself and loving myself as a woman, human and Mom. Becoming a single mom was something I never imagined for my life, but then again I questioned even being able to become a mother at all as an option for me. I may not have all the answers when it comes to doing this alone, but one thing I do know is that no matter what my ultimate goal is to give my sweet girl the life she deserves and show her exactly how much her Mama loves her. I can only hope she grows up as strong, independent and outgoing as I’ve learned to become with being her Mom. Although being a single Mom may have changed me, the obstacles I have had to overcome have made me into the woman and mom I am today.
