“Mommy is such a tender word
Unlike any other, I have ever heard
‘Mama’, ‘Mum’, ‘Ma’ and ‘Mom’
Synonyms that leave you feeling warm.
Words, oh how oft have I used
Their simple beauty having seldom mused
Not till I experienced, could I comprehend
The endless wonder that ‘Mom’ presents!
A drifter in this Universe vast
Sixteen years ago changed all that past,
Holding my newborn, I felt transformed
As I watched unfold, the birth of a Mom.”
Becoming a Mother
As I reflect back on that day when I first became a Mom, I remember thinking what a miraculous moment that was and that I’d do it all over again just to hold the precious bundle of love in my arms. My parents had arrived from India to be there for that special occasion.
The look of pure joy and delight on their faces when they held their grandchild was out of this world! I remember watching my mom with her grandbaby and smiling thinking that the realm of nurturing and loving had somehow come full circle. She had said then, “You are way stronger than I ever thought. You’re going to be a good mom.” This coming from my mom who is an epitome of independence, resilience, and unflinching faith!
That is why the only thing that matters to me about Mother’s Day is my own Mom. If I could even be a fraction of the person she is, I would be incredibly happy and grateful!
Where do I start?
My mom is a very practical, hardworking, and fiercely independent woman. She is one of the strongest persons I have ever known. She is resolute in her faith, has a whipping sense of humor, and is a simple soul. After my dad passed away two years ago, She chose to live by herself in the house that she shared countless memories of, with him. She said, “I feel as if he is still around me and I like that.” No way was I about to let her give that up!
Sometimes I wonder if that kind of love and respect that my parents shared really exists today. I mean, they had their fair share of squabbles and arguments. But till the very end that I knew of my dad, he always maintained that if not for her, he’d be long gone. “There goes an Angel in disguise”, he would say of my Mom when she’d leave to go to work.
Staying several thousand miles away from her certainly has its issues.
I can’t enjoy a painting class with her or go window shopping in the Mall or just drop in for tea and chat. I envy my friends who have their moms staying in the same town or even two states over. To hear them complain about “having to go to Mom’s” just leaves me speechless.
I am sure they have their reasons but inwardly I think, “you have no idea how lucky you are, how lucky your kids are to have their Grandma so close! I wish I had that for my kids…” Instead, I opt to send flowers and goodies to her on her special days knowing full well how surprised and happy she’d be. It’s not the same, but hey it’s a silver lining, right?
With the current Pandemic situation and lockdowns, I am left with just a Video Chat with my mom on Mother’s Day. I won’t be able to send her anything until the restrictions there, ease. My younger son came to me and said, “Don’t worry Ma. We can send flowers, a card, and cake to Grandma when its all better. The day we send it will be our own special Mother’s Day since grandma is your mom every day of every year, forever!” Children somehow get it right every time!
When I feel despondent at times and flustered that I am not doing enough as a mom, her voice is all I need to reassure me. I have never loved technology more than now when I can easily text and chat with my mom at the click of a few buttons.
“Nothing stirs, the house is all quiet
The hours pass and it’s past midnight
The mantle clock ticks without a beep
But try as I might, I cannot sleep!
I tiptoe downstairs to read a book
Sleep eludes me like a vile crook
My fickle mind refuses to focus,
I give up the attempt, knowing it’s useless.
I steal a glance at my sleeping kids
Sound asleep, they seem like little angels
A crushing feeling comes over
I feel alone, no one to hear me, I concur.
All is not lost, my mind nearly shouts
There’s still one who will always hear you out
Longing for that voice, my phone I reach and I dial
I am a child again as I say,
‘Hi mom’, and smile.”
That’s the magic of Mom. My Mom.
It is true when they say, ‘Home is where your mom is.’
It does not matter how physically far we may be. She is the one I will ALWAYS turn to. When I question my own mothering skills, it is always her sage advice or childlike humor that I draw upon that enthrall my kids and I know then that I am a Good mom because she has been better.
So I may not have flowers or cake to surprise my mom, but these words right here, they are for you, Mom.